Restoration Magazine

 

CHEY

I wrote the following as part of a 6-page class assignment in my Senior year of high school in 2014 after interviewing my Grandmother, Tillie Black Bear. I have edited it and included a short piece for this article, remembering and missing her as July 19, 2024, will be 10 years since she started her journey back to the spirit world.

Tillie Black Bear (Wa Wokiye Win, Woman Who Helps Everyone) is a leader among Lakota women and paved the way in fighting for women’s rights against domestic violence. A woman who inspires me and many others to do so much with life. My beautiful, caring Grandmother. She has done so many great things in her lifetime, which inspires me to do so, too.

My Grandma is a Tribal member of the Rosebud Sioux Tribe, born in 1946. She had two older brothers and seven younger siblings. She was born in the “Boarding School Era.” She went home only during Christmas and summer. She was very spiritual, and when she went to school, her rights were taken away, and she never practiced them there. She hung on to speaking Lakota, not letting that be taken away from her. She cherished her language.

My Grandma only left the reservation to go to college. She received her BS at Northern State University in 1972. She received her MA and started her Doctoral Studies in 1974 at the University of South Dakota. Leaving the reservation was hard at first, but she got used to the whole thing after a while. After a few weeks of being there, she finally knew what she wanted to go into, and that was helping young people and then, eventually, victims of domestic violence. Of course, she also changed her mind a million times after seeing relatives experience domestic violence. My Grandma was the first Indian woman from our Tribe to receive a bachelor’s degree in sociology.

My Grandmother had two children, Corrine and Constance Black Bear. She helped to raise others as well. Some call her mom because Tillie was there when they were younger. She showed them how to be men and women and to respect one another. For most of them, she was their only mom and parent. She was a foster mom helping take care of them. She fed, clothed, and gave them a safe place to sleep.

After college, Tillie came back to the reservation to help women experiencing domestic violence. Tillie started working on opening a shelter for women who experienced any form of abuse and who didn’t feel safe where they were. She was the former executive and co-founder of WBCWS. She tried her best to provide for women and their families. Tillie went out of her way to get the things they needed and for them to feel safe and not feel scared.

When she opened the WBCWS in 1979, it was the first to open anywhere. She was one of the battered women’s movement’s first activists. Tillie was an inspiration to many others to start doing something about domestic violence against women. Tillie received awards from the National Organization for Women (NOW) and Lifetime Television as a Leader of the Lakota. Tillie thought she was by herself to receive the award, but her whole family was there without her knowing. We had to keep it a secret that we were coming. We were all so proud of her. When they announced her name, we all came out and surprised her. She was shocked and started to cry. She was also one of 21 Leaders for the 21st Century award by Women’s eNews in 2004.

Tillie was an instructor in Human Services at the community college (SGU) here on the Rosebud. She was licensed as a foster parent. Tillie wanted to help however she could, just to give someone something they never had. Tillie had done everything you could think of. She couldn’t help but go and make something out of all the degrees she received.

Tillie taught cross-cultural ministry at Catholic Theological Union through Shalom Ministries out of Chicago. Tillie and a colleague, Sally Roesch Wagner, completed a poster series on Dakota and Lakota women elders in each of the nine Dakota and Lakota Nations in South Dakota entitled: “Dakota and Lakota Women, Keepers of the Nation.” Tillie was a therapist, certified school counselor, administrator, college instructor, and comptroller. Tillie is also the founding mother of two organizations, the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV) and the South Dakota Coalition Against Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault (SDCADV&SA).

CONNIE

These past 10 years without my Ina have been challenging. Not one day has gone by that I didn’t wish I could pick up the phone or drive to her house to visit with her. Remembering everything she taught me has helped me move on, live my life to the fullest, and support my family, communities, the Rosebud Tribe, and anyone who asks for help, just as Ina did. I’m thankful to NIWRC, the Native Women’s Society of the Great Plains, and all of the many survivors, advocates, and organizations—old and new—who continue to center women’s needs and voices to create spaces where all are loved, respected, and valued as they deserve to be.

As I think about my Ina’s legacy, being a good relative is at the top of what Tillie practiced and encouraged others to learn and practice every day.